A Letter to my Soccer Team

PD#5,

If perhaps the team staged an abduction in front of reliable
witnesses, I could make a Wednesday night practice. I'm in room 203
of the Computing Commons from 6-9pm. I'll wear a purple wig to
greenlight the operation. Watch out for Marko Manalovic. He was a
member of the Stasi in East Germany and will likely resist any attempt
to remove me from the premises. He is also skilled in psy-ops and can
write a proposal argument in MLA format better than most graduate
students.

We should rendezvous in the Sidebar Cafe in the law school. I know a
barrister with a meth habit who can let us use his Prius in exchange
for three packs of Sudafed. Clayton, you're responsible for the
Sudafed.

The standard list of equipment applies: two weapons per man: the
gas-retarded blowback semi auto GBs we got from the hooker in Vegas,
and the Russian Kashtan AEK-919's I got on Craigslist; the black
ski-masks; 200m of Black Solid Braid Polypropylene Multi-Fiiament
Rope; grappling hooks; a copy of Neruda's Twenty Love Poems and a Song
of Despair; 30 pieces of Hubba Bubba Bubble Gum (Krai, this one's on
you); and a bottle of club soda for me.

With the right timing, we can be out of there by 18:42 and at the
field by 18:58. This gives us two minutes, but I don't want any
mistakes like last time. I'm looking at you Keniston!

Oh, and if this is successful, I'll need to borrow some shinguards.